the time that has passed since the last time that i wrote is substantial...but the realization of how therapeutic writing can be is greater than ever...regardless of anyone reading...writing and putting thoughts on a page is enough in its own....

The words forever, always, never forget...such powerful words...words that you always believe to have great truth behind them...words with so much meaning that when things go in the opposite direction, the pain of hearing those words of the past becomes overwhelmingly intense. 
Friends forever, always be friends, no matter what i'll never forget you...all things you believe are true and will forever be... but what happens when those words don't hold true...when you get left behind...lost and forgotten...
a stronger person you may become, but the pain within the heart is so deep...words cannot even begin to describe the sense of betrayal that you feel...
for how long do you fight before you turn your back, just as they have done to you?
for how long do you let yourself hurt?
for how long do you believe in true friendship?
no one ever said it would be easy, but no one ever said it would be this painful...to be left behind because that is what was most convenient...
its not like there aren't other friends out there, its the fact that the one you thought would always be there...isn't
the one you thought you could always count on...can't 
the one you thought you could always talk to...won't
the one you thought you would always know...don't
truth be told, its time to let it go...
truth 2 be told, it hurts but it has to be done...

If only the words of The Fray could have more of an effect....
Don't let me go, don't let me go...we're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again...

IdIoT_mE

and here i stand at yet another fork in the road...uncertian of which way to turn..the words cant escape my mouth the thoughts are jumbled im sitting and watching my life pass by..theres nothing left inside me to motivate me to fight..maybe its better this way..tired of being the bad guy..the kid no one likes..tired of causeing anger and pain..tired of trying to do t hings right..trying to make you happy and continiously failing miserably..tired of being an inadequate friend..but when it comes down to it..how much do i really care...to i care enough to leave sleep over it...do i care enough to try to fix things to make things better..or do i only care enough to lie..right now i don't care enough to even finish this..

 

trust is a two way street

Shes speaking, teaching , preaching but I have no understanding of the point she is tryingto make.  My eyes are slowly closing and it won't be long before I'll be dozing.  I'm so lost not just with this class but my life in general, the future, present and the past. The glass seems to be half full but really...how much longer will that last?  She's tossing and dropping names of all these "famous" people, names I've never heard, actions I've been unaware of.  It makes my brain begin to tick and I wonder how I differ from any of them, how my actions differ from theirs.  Is the story of their life what I have in store for me or is my path set to be much different.  Their path was long and quite successful, will mine be the same or am I in store for a shorter route?  Is this the begining of my demise? The beginning of my end? or yet another false alarm of my reoccurring nightmare of unsuccessful dreams? 

IdIoT_mE 

And here it is already...the end of the summer, and what lies just around the corner is yet another step in the path of growing older.  Leaving for school or begining to work full time.  But as we move on we must not forget the past and chose to leave it behind.  Remember to never forget who you were and where you came from, for it is these simple facts that made you who you are today and are a great factor in creating who you will become.  Remember to keep in touch with those you love and who love you and keep your head placed ever so nicely upon your shoulders.  Be sure to live a little and have some fun, but never forget how it is that it all begun.

IdIoT_mE

If I were to close my eyes and count to ten would you still be there when I went to open them again. Or like the rest would you flee so carelessly.  Disregarding the heart of mine, that breaks more and more with every step you take.  For its's not who you know, what you do, or how you look that pulled me in.  It's who you are and what makes you, you.  It's the way you talk, the way you act, and the way you be.  So if I do decide to close my eyes, and away you go to run and hide.  I will know deep down inside the truth of the man who "never lied"..
  IdIoT_mE

Just a little blurb that came to my head as i sat infront of the computer on this gloomy monday afternoon.  how the words fit into my life i do not kno, but the thoughts were flowing, so put it into words is just what i did..
    

Sure they come and they go, but its no lie when they say the ones that are true, are there through and through.  Friends.  A precious gift in life that one can only give themselves.  Without a friend that's true, you'll never be the real you. 

Whats it like?
Whats it like to be someone to somebody. 
To be there for somebody, to be their life line. 
Whats it like to love and be loved

A boy sits in his room with the music blaring.  It's his way of getting through life.  With no one to talk to, and plenty to talk about.  He feels as if his life has come to an end.  He tried to end his life many times before...but with little success.  It was as if he knew deep down inside of him that there was something more, something better, something for him.  He kept fighting through and eventualy he found someone.  Someone to talk to, someone who would actually listen, someone who liked him for him... just someone in general.  That someone became his lifeline.  That someone he loved and that someone loved him.  For once he loved, was loved, and loved life.  For once he was alive again.  That someone was someone special.  That someone knew the true meaning of life.  That someone wasn't anybody important.  That someone just loved to listen, and was caring at heart.  That someone saved a life without even knowing it.  That someone was a gift from god.  An angel.    


Love one and be loved
Be someone to somebody and they will be the same back
Be there for someone and someone will be there for you
Be unique, be real, be yourself

So if you really cared, don't you think you would have been there. 

Things are so hard now with him gone.  Everytime I think about home, I think about last year, and last year he was still there.  Last year he sat beside me in science class, last year he was made fun of, last year he had very few friends, but yet last year he was still happy, he smiled, he waved. He delivered papers, he baked, he worked at the local store, he babysat, he was a teenager.  However things have changed, events have taken place that probably shouldn't have.  But its all a part of life.  Now I don't like to think about home, cause then thats the only place i wanna be.  I dont' like to think about last year, last month, last week, or last year.  Somedays I just don't like to think at all.  However some days are better than others.  Last year, last month, last week, yesterday it doesn't matter because tomorow is a new day, a new beginning, just new in general. 
So when the tough gets going, and things start to go wrong, don't worry, theres a reason behind everything, a lesson to be learned, and a new beginning to come from it.
Live, Love, Laugh...
IdIoT_mE

once in a while you meet extraordinary people

        these people change you and who you are

   what you use to be doesn’t exist anymore,

sometimes for the better, others for worse

then the friendships start to fade and

                                                      all that’s left is you…

 

            not how you use to be but how you are now

 even when they leave they are still connected to you

                   because they have altered you,

               your presence, your life.

but life goes on and all that is left is memories,

                                        of fading friendships

Yea i stole this poem from my cousin...she's good at writing poems...and..this one really fits my mood right now..so...i decided to be a theif...for both your's and mine veiwing pleasure!